Jokes

Interested in what the little girl was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Nancy?"

"My goldfish died," replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."

The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"

Nancy patted down the last heap of earth and then replied, "That's because he's inside your cat."

How do you catch a runaway dog?
Hide behind a tree and make a noise like a bone!

What dog loves to take bubble baths?
A shampoodle!

What kind of dog does a vampire prefer?
Any kind of bloodhound!

What dogs are best for sending telegrams?
Wire haired terriers!

What do you call a happy Lassie?
A jolly collie!

What do you call a nutty dog in Australia?
A dingo-ling!

What kind of dog sniffs out new flowers?
A bud hound!

Why didn't the dog speak to his foot?
Because it's not polite to talk back to your paw!

What is the dogs favourite city?
New Yorkie!

Who is the dogs favourite comedian?
Growlcho Marx!

What birds spend all their time on their knees?
Birds of prey!

What do you call a woodpecker with no beak?
A headbanger!

When is the best time to buy budgies?
When they're going cheap!

How do you get a cut-price parrot?
Plant bird seed!

Why is a sofa like a roast chicken?
Because they're both full of stuffing!

What do you call a very rude bird?
A mockingbird!

Where do birds meet for coffee?
In a nest-cafe!

How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?
With it's sparrowchute!

What is green and pecks on trees?
Woody Wood Pickle!

What do you call a bunch of chickens playing hide-and-seek?
Fowl play!

Why do bears have fur coats?
Because they'd look stupid in anoraks!

What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig?
A teddy boar!

What should you call a bald teddy?
Fred bear!

What animal do you look like when you get into the bath?
A little bear!

Why is polar bear cheap to have as a pet?
It lives on ice!

Have you ever hunted bear?
No, but I've been shooting in my shorts!

How do you hire a teddy bear?
Put him on stilts!

What's a teddy bears favourite pasta?
Tagliateddy!

Why shouldn't you take a bear to the zoo?
Because they'd rather go to the cinema!

What is a bear's favourite drink?
Koka-Koala!