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| Bill Gates
and General Motors |
Bill Gates is hanging out with the chairman of General Motors.
"If automotive technology had kept pace with computer technology
over the past few decades," boasts Gates, "you would
now be driving a V-32 instead of a V-8, and it would have a
top speed of 10,000 miles per hour. Or, you could have an economy
car that weighs 30 pounds and gets a thousand miles to a gallon
of gas. In either case, the sticker price of a new car would
be less than $50."
"Sure," says the GM chairman. "But would you
really want to drive a car that crashes four times a day?"
|
| Tech
Terminology |
- 486 : The average IQ needed to understand a PC.
- State of the Art : Any computer you can't afford.
- Obsolete : Any computer you own.
- Microsecond : he time it takes for your state-of-the-art computer
to become obsolete.
- G3 : Apple's new Macs that make you say "Gee, three times
faster than the computer I bought for the same price a
Microsecond ago."
- Syntax Error : Walking into a computer store and saying
"Hi, I want to
buy a computer and money is no object."
- Keyboard : The standard way to generate computer errors.
- Mouse : An advanced input device to make computer errors easier
to generate.
- Floppy : The state of your wallet after purchasing a computer.
- Laptop : A device invented to force businessmen to work at
home, on vacation, and on business trips.
- Disk Crash : A typical computer response to any critical deadline.
- Power User : Anyone who can format a disk from DOS.
- System Update : A quick method of trashing ALL of your software. |
| Murphy's
Laws of Computing |
1. When computing, whatever happens, behave as though
you meant it to happen.
2. When you get to the point where you really understand your
computer, it's probably obsolete.
3. The first place to look for information is in the section
of the manual where you least expect to find it.
4. When the going gets tough, upgrade.
5. For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction.
6. To err is human . . . to blame your computer for your mistakes
is even more human, it is downright natural.
7. He who laughs last probably made a back-up.
8. If at first you do not succeed, blame your computer.
9. A complex system that does not work is invariably found to
have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine.
10. The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.
11. A computer program will always do what you tell it to do,
but rarely what you want it to do. |
| True Microsoft
Story |
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I once got an especially helpful reply to a question I asked
on Microsoft's on-line tech support service. I wrote back
to thank them for a complete and concise reply, and said how
much I appreciated it.
The next day I had a response:
"We are looking into the problem and will contact you
with a solution as soon as possible."
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