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| Two Students
Miss the Final Exam |
Introductory Chemistry was taught at Duke University for many
years by professor Bonk. One year, two guys took the class and
did pretty well on all the quizzes and mid-terms--so much so
that going into the final, they each had a solid A. These two
friends were so confident going into the final that the weekend
before finals week, despite the Chemistry final being on Monday,
they decided to go to the University of Virginia to party with
some friends.
They did this and had a great time. However, with their hangovers
and tiredness, they overslept all day Sunday and didn't make
it back to Duke until early Monday morning. Rather than taking
the final then, they found professor Bonk after the final and
explained to him how they missed the final. They told him they
went up to the University of Virginia for the weekend and had
planned to come back in time to study, but they had a flat tire
on the way back and didn't have a spare. They couldn't fix it
for a long time and were late getting back to campus.
Bonk thought this over and agreed that they could take the final
the following day. The two guys, elated and relieved, studied
that night and went in the next day at the time that Bonk had
told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each
of them a test booklet. He told them to begin.
They looked at the first problem which was something simple
about molarity and solutions; it was worth 5 points. "Cool,"
they thought, "this is going to be an easy final".
They then turned the page. They were unprepared, however, for
what they saw on it. The question contained only two words:
(95 points) Which tire? |
| Letter Home |
A college student writes to his parents...
"Dear Mom and Dad,
"I feel miserable because I have to keep writing for money.
I feel ashamed and unhappy. I have to ask for another hundred,
but every cell in my body rebels. I beg on bended knee that
you forgive me.
"Your son,
Marvin.
"P.S. I felt so terrible, I ran after the mailman who picked
this up in the box at the corner. I wanted to take this letter
and burn it. I prayed that I could get it back. But it was too
late."
A few days later he received a letter from his father. It said,
"Your prayers were answered. Your letter never arrived!" |
| Cat On The
Roof |
'A man left his cat with his brother while he went on vacation
for a week. When he came back, he called his brother to see
when he could pick the cat up. The brother hesitated, then said,
"I\'m so sorry, but while you were away, the cat died."
The man was very upset and yelled, "You know, you could
have broken the news to me better than that. When I called today,
you could have said he was on the roof and wouldn\'t come down.
Then when I called the next day, you could have said that he
had fallen off and the vet was working on patching him up. Then
when I called the third day, you could have said he had passed
away."
The brother thought about it and apologized.
"So how\'s Mom?" asked the man.
"She\'s on the roof and won\'t come down." |
| God and University |
| Why God never received tenure at any university...
1. He had only one major publication.
2. It was in Hebrew.
3. It had no references.
4. It wasn't published in a referred journal.
5. Some even doubt he wrote it himself.
6. It may be true that he created the world, but what has
he done since then?
7. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.
8. The scientific community has had a hard time replicating
his results.
9. He never applied to the Ethics Board for permission to
use human subjects.
10. When one experiment went awry he tried to cover it up
by drowning the subjects.
11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted
them from the sample.
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