| One Eyed Blonde |
Two blondes are walking down the road when one says ''Look
at that dog with one eye!''
The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says ''Where?'' |
| Panda In The
Bar |
'A panda bear walks into a bar, and tells the bartender that
he wants to have lunch. The bartender gives him a menu and he
orders.
The panda bear eats his lunch, and when he finishes, he gets
up to leave. Suddenly, the panda bear pulls an AK-47 out of
his fur, and shoots the bar to pieces. He then heads for the
door.
The shocked bartender jumps out from behind the destroyed bar
and yells, "Hey, what do you think you\'re doing? You ate
lunch, shot up my bar, and now you\'re just going to leave?"
The panda bear answers calmlly, "I\'m a panda bear."
The bartender says, "Yeah, so?" The panda bear replies,
"Look it up," and walks out the door.
The bartender jumps back behind the ruined bar and grabs his
encyclopedia. He looks up "panda bear," and sure enough,
there is a picture of the panda bear.
He reads the caption, which says, "Panda Bear--a cuddly,
black and white creature. Eats shoots and leaves." |
| Water In The
Carburettor |
"The car won't start," said a wife to her husband.
"I think there's water in the carburettor."
"How do you know?" said the husband scornfully. "You
don't even know what the carburettor is."
"I'm telling you," repeated the wife, "I'm sure
there's water in the carburettor."
"We'll see," mocked the husband. "Let me check
it out. Where's the car?"
"In the swimming pool." |
| Insurance Policy |
'A man walks into an insurance office and asks for a job.
"Sorry, we don\'t need anyone..." they replied.
"You can\'t afford not to hire me. I can sell anyone anything
anytime!"
"Well, we have two prospects that no one has been able
to sell. If you can sell just one, then you have a job."
He was gone about two hours and returned and handed them two
checks, one for $25,000 and another for $50,000.
"How in the world did you do that?" they asked.
"I told you I\'m the worlds best salesman, I can sell anyone
anything, anytime!"
"Did you get a urine sample?" they asked him.
"What\'s that?" he asked.
"Well, if you sell a policy over $20,000 the company requires
a urine sample. Now take these two bottles and go back and get
urine samples."
He was gone about 8 hours and the office was about to close,
when in he walks in with two five gallon buckets, one in each
hand. He sets the buckets down and reaches in his shirt pocket
and produces two bottles of urine and sets them on the desk
and says, "Here\'s Mr. Jone\'s and this one is Mrs. Johnson\'s."
"That\'s good," they said, "but what\'s in those
two buckets?"
"Well, I passed by the school house and they were having
a state teachers convention -
so I stopped and sold them a group policy!" |
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