| King Of The
Jungle |
'A lion woke up one morning feeling really rowdy and mean.
He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared,
"Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?"
The trembling monkey says, "You are, mighty lion!
Later, the lion confronts a ox and fiercely bellows,
"Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?"
The terrified ox stammers, "Oh great lion, you are the
mightiest animal in the jungle!"
On a roll now, the lion swaggers up to an elephant and roars,
"Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?"
Fast as lightning, the elephant snatches up the lion with his
trunk, slams him against a tree half a dozen times leaving the
lion feeling like it\'d been run over by a safari wagon. The
elephant then stomps on the lion till it looks like a corn tortilla
and ambles away.
The lion lets out a moan of pain, lifts his head weakly and
hollers after the elephant -
"Just because you don\'t know the answer, you don\'t have
to get so upset about it |
| What type of
snake? |
'There where two snakes talking.
The 1st one said \'Sidney, are we the type of snakes who wrap
ourselves around our prey and squeeze and crush until they\'re
dead? Or are we the type of snake who ambush our prey and bite
them and they are poisioned?.
Then the second Snake says "Why do you ask?"
The 1st one replies: "I just bit my lip!" |
| Rabbit's Revenge |
Once upon a time there was a bear and a rabbit that hated
each other guts.
One day whilst arguing in the forrest, the bear lost his temper
and kicked an old lamp that had been left by campers.
To their surprize a genie popped out and granted them each three
wishes. The bear went first and he said,"I wish to be the
only male bear in this forrest." His wish was granted.
The Genie turned to the rabbit who said "I want a motorcycle
helmet." And he got his wish.
"And for your second wish bear?" Demanded the genie,
"I wish to be the only male bear in the United States,
and all the rest to be female." He got his wish.
The rabbit without delay took his second wish, "I wish
I had a motorcycle to go with that helmet."
"Final wish bear!" Bellowed the genie. The bear said,
"I wish I was the only male bear in the world, and all
the rest were females." After having his wish granted he
smirked at the rabbit and strutted off into the forrest.
The rabbits eyes lit up, he turned to the genie and he said,
"For my last wish, I wish that bear was gay." |
| Smart Dog |
'A butcher is working, and really busy. He notices a dog in
his shop and shoos him away. Later, he notices the dog is back
again. He walks over to the dog, and notices the dog has a note
in his mouth. The butcher takes the note, and it reads, "Can
I have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please."
The butcher looks, and lo and behold, in the dog\'s mouth, there
is a ten dollar bill. So the butcher takes the money, puts the
sausages and lamb in a bag, and places it in the dog\'s mouth.
The butcher is very impressed, and since it\'s closing time,
he decides to close up shop and follow the dog.
So, off he goes. The dog is walking down the street and comes
to a crossing. The dog puts down the bag, jumps up and presses
the crossing button. Then he waits patiently, bag in mouth,
for the lights to change. They do, and he walks across the road,
with the butcher following.
The dog then comes to a bus stop, and starts looking at the
timetable. The butcher is in awe at this stage. The dog checks
out the times, and sits on one of the seats to wait for the
bus.
Along comes a bus. The dog walks to the front of the bus, looks
at the number, and goes back to his seat. Another bus comes.
Again the dog goes and looks at the number, notices it\'s the
right bus, and climbs on.
The butcher, by now open-mouthed, follows him onto the bus.
The bus travels thru town and out to the suburbs. Eventually
the dog gets up, moves to the front of the bus, and standing
on his hind legs, pushes the button to stop the bus. The dog
gets off, groceries still in his mouth, and the butcher still
following.
They walk down the road, and the dog approaches a house. He
walks up the path, and drops the groceries on the step. Then
he walks back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself
-whap!- against the door. He goes back down the path, takes
another run, and throws himself -whap!- against the door again!
There\'s no answer at the door, so the dog goes back down the
path, jumps up on a narrow wall, and walks along the perimeter
of the garden. He gets to a window, and bangs his head against
it several times. He walks back, jumps off the wall, and waits
at the door. The butcher watches as a big guy opens the door,
and starts laying into the dog, really yelling at him.
The butcher runs up and stops the guy. "What the heck are
you doing? This dog is a genius. He could be on TV, for God\'s
sake!"
To which the guy responds, "Clever, my ass. This is the
second time this week he\'s forgotten his key!" |
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